Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
