I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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