shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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