i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
