Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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