Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
