I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
