Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
