Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
