You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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