Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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