How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
