tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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