his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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