is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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