What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
