My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
