I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
