Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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