Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
