my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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