New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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