my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
