Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
