Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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