good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
