so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
