Im at strip club and am horny
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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