his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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