During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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