K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
