Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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