It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
