after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
