Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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