I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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