U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
is that a dick in a sweater?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
