I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
