I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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