homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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