Will you blow on my dice?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
