i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
