I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
