sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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