Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
