So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
