My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
