peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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