Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
