I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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