dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
