highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm passing your future prison.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
