It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
