your room smells of hookers.
And success
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
