party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
