She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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