new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
