3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
