who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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