I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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