I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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