I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
