I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
