forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
