He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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