I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
