you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
