I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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