belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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