3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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