You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
