I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
