So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im six kinds of drunk right now
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
